It's All I know

 

Have you ever been in love? You know the addicting, never get enough of the feeling, can't control the way your heart just gets heavy with tenderness love?

But, what does society say about love? Relationships, friendships, families, sex, emotions, dates, and so much more that I have missed I am sure.  However, with all of these undefined associations of love, it is easy to understand why society gets so confused. "I'm not gonna write you a love song" love songs, love poems, movies giving false hope, romance novels, advertisements, Valentine's Day- or Single's Awareness Day- whichever you guys want to call it, etc.

Google the word LOVE and nothing more, and look at what you get.  Crazy definitions of what it means to everyone in the world! Pictures that people created on their computers, art, etc.  All things that mean something to someone out there. If you YouTube the word LOVE you get songs, trailers, and just funny things:

 

So- do these definitions sound ANYTHING like the bibles many definitions of love?  Romans 8 says that nothing can separate us from God . First Corinthians 13 says that love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Ephesians 3 says that the love of Christ is so great you will never fully understand it. Second Corinthians 9 calls it an indescribable gift.

So, we believe that love is outside of Jesus Christ, and it is- within our significant other, within our true best friends.  But, His love is incomprehensible. So, move past the travesty that society has created.  The word love, with many definitions, has only one original creator, open your hearts to the feeling.  Open your hearts to joy. If not to your significant other, to him.   

Until next time...

A true southern gentleman

Anyone who knows me, knows that my AMAZING grandparents raised me.  They're my everything in life, and truly believe that if I set my mind to it, I could move a mountain. <-- Hey- if I starred at it long enough I'm sure it would look like it moved, even if it was just a millimeter, goal accomplished.  But that's besides the point.  With one being born in the early 40s and the other the late 40s, and being raised through pretty much everything that helped to shape our country today, it's easy to say that the relationship they have is very "old fashioned".

My Grandma is from upstate New York (feisty, fast paced, outspoken, etc) and my Grandpa is from Georgia- but raised in Sweetwater, TN (laid back about life, talkative, hilarious, etc). So- it's always interesting in our house, because I'm a lovely mix of the both of them (even though they're not my birth parents, you are who raised you- not necessarily who gave birth to you). But, okay, their relationship- my Grandpa is STILL SO IN LOVE with my Grandma (and of course my Grandma is STILL in love with my Grandpa, but this is about my Grandpa!).  He's been retired now for I don't know how long, for as long as I can remember, and for as long as I can remember, all he's wanted to do is make her happy.  He's 68 years old, and still opens all doors for my Grandma, still lets her win (or think she's right- sorry Mom - you're not always right!), cooks dinner, does laundry so she doesn't have to when she's done with dialysis, and anything that he thinks will just make life easier. Example-- he got a new riding lawn mower, and because he knew how much my Mom wanted to test it out... he let her have the first spin around the yard instead of him, even though it was HIS birthday present. Okay, I think you get the picture.  But, most importantly- he never ever forgets to say I Love You.  Anytime they part, they say how much they love one another, give 2 kisses, and then leave.

But, that makes me wonder.  I idolize my grandparents relationship, marriage, and strength so much, that I expect nothing less in a man.  I feel like a man should be able to step out of his "manliness" and cook, clean, do laundry, run errands, do things he doesn't want to do, or just well anything that's titled "woman things" and visa versa.  But, don't ever stop working on a relationship/marriage- no matter how great it is- there's always room for improvement.  Never get comfortable, when you're comfortable, you get lazy, when you get lazy, you forget what makes each other happy and why you fell in love.


I love my grandparents so much, and if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be where I am today!


Until next time...

Pandora

Pandora Radio, one of the best things that has come into my life since I've been in college.  It's saved me from going insane from long nights of studying (when I actually do study) and just nights of facebook stalking and twitter. It has also introduced me to so many different songs/genres/artists; ultimately, what it's turned into is an obsession.  As soon as I wake up, I turn Pandora on- hoping to hear something I haven't heard! It's great!


So- last night, I heard this song: Time by Hootie and the Blowfish

Time, why you punish me? ; Like a wave crashing into the shore;  You wash away my dreams;  Time, why you walk away? oh, oh;  Like a friend with somewhere to go;  You left me crying

And you'll teach me 'about tomorrow;  And all the pain and sorrow running free?;  'Cause tomorrow's just another day;  And I don't believe in time

Time, I don't understand;  Children killing in the streets;  Dying for the color of a rag;  Time, leave you red and blue;  Wash them in the ocean, make them clean;  Maybe their mothers won't cry tonight

2-Can you teach me 'about tomorrow;  With all the pain and sorrow running free?;  And tomorrow's just another day;  And I don't believe in...

1-Time is wasted, time walking;  Time, time;  You ain't no friend of mine;  I don't know where I'm going;  I think I'm out of my mind;  Thinking about time

And if I die tomorrow, yeah;  Then lay me down to sleep
(rpt 1)

Time, you left me standing there;  Like a tree growing all alone;  The wind just stripped me bare;  Stripped me bare;  Time, the past has come and gone, gone;  The future's far away;  An hour only lasts for one second, one second
(rpt 2, 1, 1)

Time without courage, time without fear;  Is just wasted, wasted, wasted time;  Oh, oh, oh, ooh ooh ooh

Time, why you punish me?

--As you read through this, tell me it's not a powerful song.  I'll post the actual song for you to hear, and maybe you'll enjoy it that way!

Until Next TIME...

Vulnerable?

I posted a facebook status at about 5:00 PM eastern time that read "Just made herself vulnerable :-/ this never happens. I'm as shut off as shut off can get."

For those of you who do not know, the word vulnerable is an adjective meaning capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt.  Of course it can be used in other ways, this is the way that I was meaning it.

Last semester, I physically and emotionally shut myself off from people, and only opened up to certain people (who I trusted with everything, who I knew wouldn't judge me for my decisions that I made!).  I was even told by someone that "...it's almost like you're cold to people." I will never ever forget that, because that's not who I am, that's not my personality.  I'm loud, outgoing, crazy, everything! However, after evaluating that particular statement, I realized that I was being "cold" and that I wasn't allowing myself to become "vulnerable" again by shutting everyone out except the people that I already trusted.  I'm starting to realize that I was willing to take risks in every other area of my life, except with people! So, I did today. I took a HUGE risk, I was open, honest, truthful. So now, it's in God's hands- as is everything else! =)

If I could tell you anything

If I could go back and tell you everything, I would tell you that I truly did love you with my whole heart.  I met you between classes in high school, and truly trusted you with everything. I trusted you with things that no one else knows, my life secrets, because as you and I grew older in life, our relationship grew too.  I would tell you that through thick and thin, ups and downs, good and bad, you and I seemed to always find a way to come out positively.  However, things change, people change.  If I had to come up with a particular reason as to what happened, I would say life happened.  After you left for college, our lives grew into something so unexpected, we grew into the people we were meant to be, and not the people we "fell in love" with (I will tell you why I put this in quotes later on).  However, regardless of what people said/told me -- I will admit, I was that naive girl, I stood by my "relationship", but again, this you knew, I do not need to tell you this.  I allowed you to walk all over me, and the more I look back at the past, I did not know who I was without you.  If I look back now, my worst fear in a relationship came true - I lost my identity in our relationship.  I think back over and over, and I keep asking myself, what defines me?  Yes, I had a wonderful high school life, and I have loved college, but other than my senior year of college, I truly cannot come up with ONE constant that's ALWAYS been in my life those times, except you, which isn't what I wanted for myself.

If I could tell you anything at all it would be that second semester junior year is when I truly believe that I started finding myself -- without you.  I truly gained my independence and realized that my life does not revolve around you.  I realized that even if what I have to say is not what you want to hear, you should still listen, especially if it's coming from someone you care about -- and that's something you did not do.  You had me so "afraid" to make you upset when I had something to say so I just never spoke up to you, but then I also realized it was because you had a ton of skeletons in your closet and you didn't want your friends to slip up and tell your own little secrets to me.  If I could tell you anything now, it would be that I am one of the most outspoken individuals, and don't have a problem telling you what's on my mind. 

If I could tell you anything, it would be that I truly believe that I mentally checked out of our relationship long before it was over, and for that I am sorry.  I believe I checked out because I could not believe what you did.  I could not fathom the fact that people actually do those things, and truly believed that you could change as a person.

If I could tell you anything, it would be that going to Australia, I wish I wouldn't have had contact with you.  I did not get to live up my experience there, and for that I regret.  I re-read emails between you and I, and honestly, I spent so much dang time trying to talk with you instead of going out and living my life.  Also, once I got back to the states, I made the 6 hour drive to Atlanta to see you, after flying 14 hours from Australia to LA and then 5 hours from LA to Nashville.  So, jet lagged, I still decided to make the drive.  If I could tell you anything I would tell you that you not showing up to pick me up from the airport like we had planned is what made me realize that things were not the same.  And, from that point on, things had forever changed.

If I could tell you anything, it would be that I don't regret asking you about marriage in the car that evening, nor do I regret your response.  Your response was honest, and from your heart, and though you say that you regret it, then at that moment that was your gut reaction.  I would tell you now, that since that day, marriage is the FURTHEST thing from my mind, and when you asked me to marry you in August, I freaked out.  ANYTHING and EVERYTHING ran through my mind, because of what happened not even a month earlier.  When I made the decision to not visit that weekend it was because I was afraid.

Back to why I put "fell in love" in quotations-- If I could tell you anything it would be that I don't believe that you know who you are when you're in high school, nor do I believe that you know what true love is when you're in high school.  Very rarely do high school loves work, unless the two individuals grow together, and are invested in the relationship TOGETHER.  If I could tell you anything today, it would be that sometimes college loves don't work, people are figuring out who they are in college, everyone matures and is starting to figure out who they are/what they want at different times.  If I could go back and tell you anything, it would be thanks- because without everything that happened, I would not be the person that I am today, and for all of that I am thankful! But, if I had just one last thing to tell you, it would be that you will find someone so incredibly amazing one day who is for you, and who will make you want to be a better person. 



Until next time...

Unwritten

I am unwritten
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined

I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines

We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way, no

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
To the years where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
To the years where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
To the years where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
To the years where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

I chose this song because it's so positive and uplifting! The entire song just brings a smile to your face, and makes you appreciate life to the fullest.  I feel that I've completely started my life over; that I had my entire life planned out before I was even living it, and then just decided one day to take a different path.  Low-and-behold, BEST DECISION EVER! Since August, I've been living my life, one chapter at a time, blank page by blank page, writing my own book, and it's been wonderful!  I've discovered that life really is something unwritten, and that only God knows what is planned for you, so why shouldn't you just live? -- and by doing so I've met wonderful people, had wonderful times, and learned great lessons (haha).

With that, what song describes your life?

Until next time...

Orange

Yesterday, the Volunteer Hall staff did an activity to figure out what type of personality we were.  I found that I was an "orange" personality.  We then received a sheet of paper that described our individual personalities.  I was shockingly surprised to see how accurate this little test was. It said:

 I act on a moment's notice
Witty, Charming, Spontaneous
I consider life as a game, here and now
Impulsive, Generous, Impactful
I need fun, variety, stimulation, and excitement
Optimistic, Eager, Bold
I value skill, resourcefulness, and courage
Physical, Immediate, Fraternal
I am a natural trouble-shooter, a performer, a competitor

AT WORK:
--I am bored and reckless with jobs that are routine and structured.
--I am more satisfied with careers that allow me independence and freedom.
--I am a natural performer.
IN LOVE:
--I seek a relationship with shared activities and interests.
--I like to explore new ways to energize the relationship.
--I like to be bold, and thrive on physical contact.
--I enjoy extravagant gifts that bring obvious pleasure to my loved one.
IN CHILDHOOD:
--Of all types of children, I had the most difficult time fitting into academic routine.
--I learn by doing and experiencing, rather than reading and listening.
--I need physical involvement in the learning process.
--I am motivated by my own natural competitive nature and sense of fun.

I like action! To go for it on a moment's notice.
I am witty, charming, and bold.
I see life as a game, here and now.
I act on impulse, I like adventure, I like to compete,
and I am skillful in what I do.
I live life to the limit and have a cheerful outlook.
I learn by doing and am a natural trouble-shooter


IN SCHOOL:
--I need classes to be "hands on".
--I like to play games, compete, and to perform.
--I like classes that have contests, changes of pace, and variety.
--I often excel in sports.
--I like solving problems and negotiating for what I want.
--I can be direct and like immediate results.
WITH SPECIAL FRIENDS:
--Planning ahead bores me because I never know what I want to do until the moment arrives.
--I like to excite my date with new and different things, places to go, and romantic moments.
WITH FAMILY:
--I need a lot of space and freedom.
--I want everyone to have fun.
--It is hard for me to follow rules and I feel we should all just enjoy one another.

This is so dead on to being me it is ridiculous.  For those of you who don't truly know/understand me and my personality, I hope that this helps- even just a little.

Until next time...

Reso- oh yeah!

I've sat here for the past few days trying to decide what my "new years resolution" would be.  I could have done the typical, lose 10 pounds, become a better Christian, help others, etc.  However, I wanted to do something different, something more challenging-- something that would keep me focused for an entire year. So I thought long and hard about what I wanted to accomplish this year, and that's when I realized- each month this past year has been something new for me, so why would I set just one goal for myself. 

I am unsure of what I want to accomplish for myself the other 11 months of the year- but for right now, I do know what I will be doing for January.  Besides focusing strictly on school, and getting myself in the right mindset, I will also be partaking in the Daniel Fast.  In a nutshell I cannot eat meats, breads, sweets, or drink anything but water for 21 days.  This starts January 9 and continues until the 29. (Daniel 10:3 KJV) The purpose of this fast to become closer to God- to find myself, the more spiritual me. I want to take that walk with him, and build an unbreakable bond with him.  And I know that with his help, guidance, and strength, I will be able to do this.

Until next time...

Life is a Highway

Everyone has said 2010 has been the best year yet, and I am going to jump on the bandwagon and agree! 2010 has taught me so much. I have always been a mature individual, but I have grown up so much, and learned so much about myself. 

I started this year head over heels in love- thinking I would be engaged to the person I was supposed to marry. However, after being with someone for seven years (4 of which weren't the truth) I now know not everything is what it seems.  I can proudly say that I am happier now than I have ever been! I absolutely love my life-- and it's because the people I have in my life.  If it weren't for the wonderful people I have surrounded myself with- I would not have been able to pull myself up and have such a successful first semester of Senior year of college! Now, I am about to graduate college in May with a BS in Marketing (for those of you who know I am going back to get another degree in Education).  How exciting is that?

Speaking of growing in 2010- I got the chance to travel this year.  This summer, I traveled to Australia to study International Marketing and International Logistics.  It was a life changing event, and ultimately what opened my eyes to reality.  Being on such a beautiful continent, such gorgeous people, with such breathtaking accents-- literally makes all your worries disappear.

I am looking forward to such a wonderful 2011-- don't let me down!